I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
should my penis look like a turkey
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
