I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
