Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
