I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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