I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
