Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
