Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
