How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
