I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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