You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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