im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
