He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
