You really coming over, don't trick.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
