nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
