I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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