i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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