my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
