oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
