4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
