one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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