Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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