oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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