so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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