It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
