lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
