cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
