By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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