The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
