We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
