I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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