He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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