I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think a kid would responsible me up
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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