the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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