I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
