I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
