garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
