phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
