If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Randomize
