She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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