I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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