I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
