I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
