it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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