so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
