Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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