Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
