3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
