Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i need some magic done to my vagina
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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