I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
