Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
