My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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