i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
